A dirty joke
Do you want to hear a clean joke? Bobby went outside to play.
Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Bobby fell in the mud.
Do you want to hear a clean joke? Bobby got in the tub with bubbles.
Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
- (submitted by a reader)
A Fairy Godmother Visits
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes!
"Well now", says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich".
***POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold!
"I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
***POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" Asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Oh-can you change my cat into a handsome prince?" she asks.
***POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
A Good Bra
A good friend is like a good bra, hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, holds you up when you are down, and is always "close to the heart".
- (submitted by a reader)
Sperm Count
An 85-year-old went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. she tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing."
"We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
