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The Jokes, Humor and One-Liners that appear have been collected over the years from readers like you. We hope you enjoy them. If you have a family-friendly joke, humorus story, funny tale or one-liner to share, please contact us. Vermont Living Magazine thanks you for visiting. Spread joy - the world need more of it.

Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She's been grazing in the field too long,...

And now she thinks she's a horse.

What are the spots on black and white cows?
Holstains

What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia

Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.

What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
"It's just an udder day"

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator

Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry

Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows

What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat

What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos

What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
Decalfenated

Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn't work

Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!